


Miss Stick

by Andian



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andian/pseuds/Andian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to tonight's show my dear listeners. It seems there have been some rather unusal sightings of former elementary school teachers today.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miss Stick

Do not try to catch the cat. It will catch you. It will catch you when you least expect it.

Welcome to Night Vale

The PTA of the Night Vale Elementary school has made an announcement today.  
Since school has started again they would like to remind everybody to please drive more carefully, since all the young students will now once again be walking on the streets of Night Vales. And like always they are armed to the teeth with school mandated guns. The PTA therefore advises drivers to drive as quickly as possible when they see a school child or pass through an area next to a school. If eye contact with one is made, avoid all confrontation and run. Run for your life. Oh, run and never look back.  
The PTA would also like to remind everybody of the traditional school year beginning celebration this Saturday. There will be food and drinks and balloons for everybody. 

Listeners, it has come to the City Council's attention that there are still people out there using the shuttle buses that have been provided after the mysteriously appearing subway has closed. For all of those who have not noticed, the shuttle buses causes an extreme and irrational fear of the word coconut, an distorted feeling about the passing of time and is also rather expensive especially compared to walking. The City Councils would like to remind everybody that walking is an free and healthy alternative to the, possible constructed by demonic forces, public transportation. Personally I like to get to work on my bike on days like this. There is so much nice things to see on a warm September day. I saw Old Woman Josie and one of her angel friends, cleaning her windows while singing ancient chants in an unknown language and when I drove through Old Town I saw my old elementary school teachers Miss Stick holding a garden gnome telling me in a deep voice that sounded like it was echoing in giant hall, though we were still standing outside, that I was too late for class.  
It was quite nice to see her again, I must say. I would have loved to stay and chitchat especially since I have not seen her after her mysterious death three years ago but you know how it is, work waits for nobody. 

And now, a word from our sponsor.  
Are you trapped inside the suffocating cage, that is your everyday life? Do you want to break out, to just run away, but are you getting nowhere in the end? Your life is a field full with holes and you fall into each and every one of them. One day you will break a leg and then, oh, then They will get you. You know it. That's why you are running. That's why you are trying to get out.  
But you know that you can't. They will get you before. They are always watching. They are always listening.  
And They know you. Every little step you ever made, every step you are going to make. They are not waiting for you to fall. They know when you will fall. And then They will be here.  
Red Bull gives you wings.

Listeners, I just got notice that the appearance of my old teacher Miss Stick who I saw in Oldtown this morning has not been an event just witnessed by me. No, it's seems more like Miss Stick had appeared to everybody who had been her student at one point, informing them that they were too, too late for class. Considering that Miss Stick had been a teacher for almost sixty years before her retirement and her, shortly afterward, mysterious death involving a piece of chalk and a garden gnome those are quite a lot of people that are now too late. In same cases Miss Stick seemed to have added the fact that this was already the third misdemeanor and that another one will have consequences. She did not, in fact, mention what exactly those consequences were, but people described the sudden feeling of wanting to call their parents and apologize and to hide their favorite childhood toys somewhere where prying adult hands can not find them.  
The Sheriff's Secret Police will be investigating after they made sure that their childhood belongings are safe and were they left them. 

In other news this weekend the Night Vale bicycle club will hold their big race. The tour will begin at three o'clock the Night Vale stadium and will lead through the city back there. The winner will be the first one to reach the goal, or the person with most identifiable body. Winner of last year Peter Call said in an exclusive interview: I wish luck to all. Luck to all of those, stupid enough to risk the wrath of the Ghost. He sleeps in the desert until the sound of the wheels wake him. And then he hungers. Hungers for those who dare to wake him up. The things I did to survive, oh, the terrible, terrible things I did to escape those eyes and teeth.  
He then added to remember to drink enough.

More and more reporting of the sighting of Miss Stick are coming in. And those who have received a last warning the last time are now reported missing. Eye witnesses describe the event like this: First the victims were seen pouting heavily, followed by stomping their foot and crossing their arms. After a short pause, presumably to wait for Miss Stick's answers the eyewitness could not hear even though they were standing directly next to the event they reacted with panic and a loud exclamation of “Not my parents!” before starting to scream loudly and repeating one word over and over again in a voice that was not their own. They were then dragged away by an invisible force and disappeared into thin air, leaving behind nothing but the smell of stale air and chalk. Detention, they screamed, dear listeners. Detention, detention, detention.  
The Sheriff's Secret Police has issued a statement that advises all people to not discuss and to just accept the punishment. The City Council meanwhile has issued a press release brought to me by a pale child with red eyes and a wide grin with way too many teeth for his mouth, that they will be taking actions. Naturally in a way that allows them to avoid getting detention.  
It seems like at least 75% of the City Council also had Miss Stick during elementary school.  
Anyway listeners I am sure that no one of this will have any  
…  
wait listeners there is something happening in the studio right now, it is... yes I'm quite sure that it is Miss Stick... Miss Stick has suddenly appeared in the studio, listeners waving an garden gnome and her voice... it's seems to be even louder than before... and no Miss Stick I am not too late... I did my homework, I swear, just...I just.. listeners it seems that this might take some time...until then and in the hope that it will not get me into more trouble than I am already in I give you

the weather.

 

Welcome back listeners. Miss Stick has disappeared and as you can hear, I have not been dragged away to the mysterious but possible very painful detention. As I was desperately trying to convince Miss Stick that I had indeed done my homework and that I had been on time and also out of elementary school for a rather long time she seemed to become bigger and bigger, her voice still seemingly echoing from that vast hall, a hall seemed to materialize more and more while I was talking. The sound of scratching could be heard, reminding me of chalk pressed against a blackboard and indeed as the room seemed to become more and more visible I could see a giant blackboard that filled the entire hall.  
Now, listeners I know what you are asking yourself right now. How could Cecil possible escape that? And I am not proud of what I did, listeners, but you deserve the truth.

I told her my dog died. 

Now, I did have a dog during elementary school. Mr. Watson was his name and he was the most adorablest and bested dog ever, yes he was, he totally was and he did, tragically, die from an over consumption of chocolate and the truck that rolled over him shortly after he ate the chocolate though that happened after I had left elementary school. Miss Stick proceed to comfort me after my lie and told me that it was okay that I did not do my homework and also that I could choose which song to sing in musical education today. Then she vanished, leaving nothing but the garden gnome and the sudden taste of chalk on my tongue. It seems that the same thing has happened all over Night Vale at this moment and I advise everyone of my listeners:  
Do not touch the garden gnomes.  
Anyway I had to lie and I have to say, that makes me feel pretty bad about myself. To any children who are listening here. Lying is bad. Do not lie. Even when it's the only thing saving you from an eternity spent in a, without a doubt very painful, place.  
So in light of this event and with no little amount of shame for my actions today I bid you good night, Night Vale. Good Night.

**Author's Note:**

> The Weather: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=FhzEYN-RPG8#t=15
> 
> Today's proverb: Brevity is the soul of wit. Unlike bees.


End file.
